Dear readers, i'm not sure why i'm feeling this way..Just barely 48 hours ago i was darn mad and fiercely typing away.I am feeling dumb for posting the previous entry, yes the very pathetic and vulgar one. I'm experiencing regrets and remorse. Funny how at that time, i felt the opposite. I have just found a letter of apology on my table, quite long and as i was reading through it, my heart softened. After so many years of getting hurt and intentionally trying to get people's attention to see me in pain, i finally got an acknowledgement, and apology today. Not that I've never gotten any apology at all.Today wasn't really a smooth day, none the less i tried to make do with the time i had to complete my unending assignments. I got home around 10.45pm and found the hosuehold oddly still. Everyone retreated to their respective rooms soon after i reached home. I did not give a thought or two and just went in my room and continue to do my research and assignments. After while i took a break, went out to watch TV. When I return to my room to drop by my MSN i found a letter on my table. Lengthy, filled with remorse and details of what happened when i wasnt present at home. My sister apologized to me, I forgive her, I'm sorry too for calling her a bitch.I had no idea mom felt so heart broken and torn when i did not greed her when i came home yesterday. For your information, I picked some food for my dinner last nite from the dining table and left them at the corner of the kitchen because i had no appetite. I had planned to eat them after my nap. But i overslept and woke up at 1am, by then everyone was already asleep. I quietly warm my dinner and ate alone while watching TV. So that means i only met my family members for a few hours in 2 days. Mom asked sis if i drank the soup she made me or i poured it away. Well mom, I did not. I would never do such thing. It pains me to pour or throw away things that you made for me. That's why i never shared the sandwiches you made for me with my friends since kindergarden till now, that explains how selfish i was :P Mom i never meant to hurt you, I'm sorry i blamed you, I know you said that at the spur of the moment that day but you have already came to realise it.Dadhas always been mroe than a pillar of strength for the whole family. He may look serious but he's actually a very generous, thoughtful, selfless and an easy to talk to kind of person. You know how most guys, well dads, men don't really show those traits in themselves and always acting like a tough front. I know that very well, and at times when i blame him and make it sounded like he's a bad guy, I am sorry. I failed to see people's traits whenever I'm angry and not thinking properly, and what i saw then were their flaws. I am learning and trying to think and feel the same way as dad does, I'm trying hard to see his point of view, I know i should stop comparing my parents with other peoples'. You know the usual "eeee, you mom/dad so nice/cool/understanding/good!!" thing we always do.I will try harder to appreciate him, his deeds, his vision for the family, his effort, his harships, his patience, his reasons, his advice, his wisdom, his determination, his dedication and love for this family. Thank you, Dad! Happy Father's Day!!I feel lighter now, like a heavy burden lifted off my achign shoulders. A family thing.. 'IT'S LIKE THAT'...you really can't change that. I have learnt something, i can never hate my family, in fact that almost never existed, and i said it because i was compulsive, had bad anger management. I'm so sorry. Maybe that'll come back again, maybe it's an on and off thing but at least there's a kind of understanding after this incident.Right, Ian was on the phone with me almost halfway through this post to make sure i'm alright after i rung him up and went hysterical after reading the letter. Just to be there with me was a wonderful feeling like a pillar for me to hold on to in case i trip again, but i got him off the phone to continue with his revision since i am really taking really long and typing really long too.How can i forger to credit my wonderful friends who took the time and trouble to listen to my whines and moans, read this emo blog, commented and comforted me... Here's to (by order of 1st reader) Devaraj, Shireen, Ryany, Ernie, Ewee, Pinky and Jolene! I really appreciate you guys. Thank you a multimightymilliontimes!!!!! May you all have beautiful and blessed days ahead. God bless...
